Skip to main content

Feeling guilty with second child.


Written at 4am, 4 days post partem 

I have so many emotions going through my system right now but one of the main ones is guilt.

Guilt for Lilly that she isn't getting as much attention as she was before, I knew it was going to be like this and so did she, we are always open with her and I will always be there is she needs me.

The guilt that I feel for Liam is stronger though, having a second child was my decision and so far it hasn't been too bad. The issue is that Liam struggles with the screams with every bum change, and to be honest I don't blame him, she screams for dear life. The other is that he is currently sleeping in the front room because he couldn't sleep, I am not sure why but I think that it is because she is being noisy tonight, not crying but constant little noises.

He has expressed that he is enjoying having a second but I just feel that he is going to resent me in the end for the decision and I am going to feel so guilty every time he feels something untoward

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Macaroni Cheese | Recipe and Method

I do love a pasta dish and macaroni cheese is such a comfort food for me, its so easy and simple to make, perfect for a busy evening taking only 15-20 minutes to make. Its one that the whole family can get involved in making and Lils quite often take the whisk off me and takes over! The recipe below will serve four people but we always alter depending on who is having it in our household. Ingredients: - 450g Pasta - 1 litre of milk - 100g flour or corn flour - 100g marge - 280g cheese - 1 tea spoon English mustard - salt and pepper for seasoning How to: 1. Cook you pasta as described on the packet then drain 2. Melt the marge then slowly mix in all the flour 3. slowly pour in the milk and mix well until smooth, it will thicken up 4. Add you mustard and mix 5. Mix in your cheese until melted together 6. Add salt and pepper to flavour 7. mix in your pasta with your sauce and serve with garlic bread It really is such a simple yet tasty meal for all the family, both my girls lo

My mental health

 I don't really know why I am writing this but it may help me or someone else in the future, today I am low, very low, I feel very stuck in a rubbish situation and don't see it ever getting better. At the moment money is tight, very tight and it really is getting me down, I feel like I am letting everyone down. I want to be the best person I can be and the best Mum possible to my girls, I want to be able to provide a good life for them and don't want them to even know that we are ever struggling. I suffer from anxiety but this doesn't feel anything like that, this feels like a have got a weight in my heart, one that feels painful too, its like a constant sinking feeling that drains me too. I am tired and emotional and just had enough and I really don't know what to do or how to even take the next step. I really hope that one day soon we don't have to worry so much, that we can live a little more comfortable and that life gives us some luck as the pas

Cottage pie recipe

I have recently started making my own Cottage pie with a recipe that I have tweeted to work four our fussy family. I find that a cottage pie is such an Autumn/Winter staple as it feeling like such a warm, hearty meal, one that is a proper comfort meal.  I recently started making the meal and found that I didn't have a packet mix in so decided to find a recipe to try out, the first one I found sounded good but I changed it slightly to fit our family, Lils isn't keen on fresh onion ad none of us like celery. I thought I would share our recipe with you which can easily be adapted if need be. Recipe 500g Beef Mince 1 carton of tomato passata  1 tbs tomato paste 1 beef stock cube 1 beef stock pot 1 tsp onion salt 1 tsp garlic granules 1 tsp mixed herbs 2 medium carrots sliced and part cooked Salt and pepper 3 large potatoes for mash 75g cheese Method 1. Preheat you oven to gas mark 4/180oC 2. Brown off the mince and drain off excess oil from the pan. 3. Pour in the passa