A pocket of my life

Written at 4am, 4 days post partem  I have so many emotions going through my system right now but one of the main ones is guilt. Guilt for Lilly that she isn't getting as much attention as she was before, I knew it was going to be like this and so did she, we are always open with her and I will always be there is she needs me. The guilt that I feel for Liam is stronger though, having a second child was my decision and so far it hasn't been too bad. The issue is that Liam struggles with the screams with every bum change, and to be honest I don't blame him, she screams for dear life. The other is that he is currently sleeping in the front room because he couldn't sleep, I am not sure why but I think that it is because she is being noisy tonight, not crying but constant little noises. He has expressed that he is enjoying having a second but I just feel that he is going to resent me in the end for the decision and I am going to feel so guilty every time he feels...

On the 16th of April at 00:21 I gave birth to my second baby girl using just gas and air in a birthing pool, she was weighing 7lb 12oz and is absolutely beautiful. Me and my family would like to introduce Olivia to you all. She is the spit of Lilly at this age which is so surreal.  It has not been an easy adjustment from a family of three to four but we are working together and being as open as possible to make things work. Our days so far have been full of dirty nappies, baby cuddles and a huge lot of washing (which Liam mainly does). I think in a way we are lucky to be in lockdown but only for the fact that we get this time to adjust and learn how to work with each other. The sad thing about this situation is that none of her family have met her yet apart from on facetime which makes this such an odd and sad time for us all but I know that very soon we will (hopefully) be out of this and we will all be able to celebrate her, even if it is a few weeks later than normal...