A pocket of my life

 Since I talk about my mental health on here, I wanted to share a little about what has happened recently which I would love to get some advice on.  Lilly has been experiencing some small episodes of anxiety, mainly at bed time and it coincides with what I experience too, she has a fear that she will not wake up when she goes to bed, I believe that we all go through phases of this but its really hard to watch this within your child. Lilly is 10, almost 11 and she has experienced a lot of death in her life, including two of her grandparents and 2 pets, I believe that this may have a part in what she is feeling but I am not quite sure how I am meant to help. We are trying to let her sleep with tv on and to listen out for words to help take her mind off the actual falling asleep, it does seem to help but not 100% but I do hope that Lilly comes out the other side or at least learns some ways to cope with it in her own way. My main reason for this post was to hopefully some some ad...

June has been a busy month but one that has been good 90% of the time, its been a hot one and if you read my last blog post you will know that it doesn't help my  Mental health  at all, its been a bit tough for that reason but luckily it has cooled for the moment. Lilly has had a busy month starting off with a cinema trip with her guide group to go and see the new Little Mermaid, she absolutely loved it and can't wait to watch it again. She has had two visits from the tooth fairy this one, for some of the larger teeth at the back, she is honestly growing too fast. Lastly Lilly made me and her Dad so proud when she competed in town sports today and went on to win two 2nd place medals for discus and 60m sprint.  Olivia has also had a big month starting off with water fights with her big sister and finally getting fully back into nursery with the confidence she had a few month back ( she became scared of nursery back in late April). Olivia has also made a huge le...

I wanted to write a little update on my mental health as im struggling slightly right now. This time of year for me is a nightmare, mainly when it's hot (above 25°c), my anxiety goes through the roof and I struggle to control it. My main part of my anxiety is a fear of death, it's horrible to have and hard to explain to people sometimes, but with the hot weather comes the irrational fear that the UK will get to hot for us to cope with because of global warming.  I know that global warming is real and that its happening but my head is saying that it is going to happen tomorrow. This is what gives me the fear that one day I won't be able to cope with the heat at all.  I have actually looked into this and apparently your anxiety can be heightened because of the heat which causes changed in the body, its knows at heat anxiety and I didn't know that that was a thing until today. I know that I am not alone with my anxiety and I know that sometimes it sounds so sil...

 I don't really know why I am writing this but it may help me or someone else in the future, today I am low, very low, I feel very stuck in a rubbish situation and don't see it ever getting better. At the moment money is tight, very tight and it really is getting me down, I feel like I am letting everyone down. I want to be the best person I can be and the best Mum possible to my girls, I want to be able to provide a good life for them and don't want them to even know that we are ever struggling. I suffer from anxiety but this doesn't feel anything like that, this feels like a have got a weight in my heart, one that feels painful too, its like a constant sinking feeling that drains me too. I am tired and emotional and just had enough and I really don't know what to do or how to even take the next step. I really hope that one day soon we don't have to worry so much, that we can live a little more comfortable and that life gives us some luck as the pas...

To the no sleep Mummy's,   Last night was one of those nights where I was one of those Mums, a night with very little sleep. Olivia woke at 1.30am and was still awake and trying to play with teddies at 3am, we ended up in the front room on the sofa which isn't the comfiest.  Spending that time awake when your body wants sleep is hard, emotional and frustrating, every minute can feel like an hour and every noise sounds so heightened. I have been here many nights with Olivia, which is so different from how Lilly was. I have spent many nights sitting, holding her hand, cuddling her and rocking her and crying, or silently screaming and that is OK, it's hard and exhausting. It is OK to feel like this, being a Mum can be so hard physically and emotionally but you have to remember how amazing you are as a person, what you do for your child/children is incredible, they need you for so many reasons and love unconditionally.  Remember it doesn't last forever and that ...