A pocket of my life

I wanted to write a little update on my mental health as im struggling slightly right now. This time of year for me is a nightmare, mainly when it's hot (above 25°c), my anxiety goes through the roof and I struggle to control it. My main part of my anxiety is a fear of death, it's horrible to have and hard to explain to people sometimes, but with the hot weather comes the irrational fear that the UK will get to hot for us to cope with because of global warming.  I know that global warming is real and that its happening but my head is saying that it is going to happen tomorrow. This is what gives me the fear that one day I won't be able to cope with the heat at all.  I have actually looked into this and apparently your anxiety can be heightened because of the heat which causes changed in the body, its knows at heat anxiety and I didn't know that that was a thing until today. I know that I am not alone with my anxiety and I know that sometimes it sounds so sil...

  Today we received an email confirming some settling in sessions for this little one and I really don't think I'm ready, in 2 weeks times she will be having 1 hour on the first day to try out and 2 hours on the second day.  The last 2 years have gone so fast and I will really miss her but I am hoping that it will help with her separation anxiety being a covid baby. I really hope that she will be ok without me near her but I think it will do both of us the world of good having some time to experience different things. Nursery is an exciting time though and I believe that it really will be amazing for her, to grow bonds with other, to communicate with people other than her parents and sister and do many things that we can't do at home.  I am emotional about it and I know there will be a few tears but I need to let her go and needs to learn to trust others other than me. We will get there but I think its gonna take longer than it did with Lils. 

Trigger warning - Baby loss  On the 3rd of August 2019, 2 years ago today, I found out that I was pregnant with Olivia and as much a love being pregnant and feeling excited for the future, there is always a heap of anxiety that follows me, especially during the first trimester. Back in July 2011 I suffered a miscarriage at just 6 weeks but I had started getting excited for this baby the moment my test came up positive. I started to bleed which got heavier by the day, we ended up going to the hospital for a scan and blood test, there was a sack but no visible baby. they drew my blood two days later for the HCG to which I got a phone call that night saying that it was not going to be a viable pregnancy. My world broke, I felt jealous of others, angry at my body and confusion of how fast you world could turn around. I definitely felt the anxiety when pregnant with Lils too but not quite as much as I did with Olivia, I think its because we had had so much sadness in our family the past...