A pocket of my life

So today is the wave of light for all the babies that have left us.  This is a very sensitive subject for us, my Mum lost two beautiful children, my sister, Joanne was just 3 days old and my brother, John was a stillborn. My story starts in the summer of 2011, I found out that I was expecting our first baby early in the July. Both me and Liam were made up with the idea of having a little boy or girl running around. We told my parents and Liams Mum that we were expecting and I also had an appointment with a midwife at around 5 weeks, it was all so exciting and it felt perfect until 5 weeks and 5 days hit. It was that day that I knew something had changed, I started to spot and my nausea that I had been experiencing had become non existent. I did the Google my symptoms thing and saw the word miscarriage, I was heartbroken but obviously nothing was confirmed at this point.  We phoned the EPU (Early Pregnancy unit) and they gave me an appointment for a scan and blood t...

Trigger warning - Baby loss  On the 3rd of August 2019, 2 years ago today, I found out that I was pregnant with Olivia and as much a love being pregnant and feeling excited for the future, there is always a heap of anxiety that follows me, especially during the first trimester. Back in July 2011 I suffered a miscarriage at just 6 weeks but I had started getting excited for this baby the moment my test came up positive. I started to bleed which got heavier by the day, we ended up going to the hospital for a scan and blood test, there was a sack but no visible baby. they drew my blood two days later for the HCG to which I got a phone call that night saying that it was not going to be a viable pregnancy. My world broke, I felt jealous of others, angry at my body and confusion of how fast you world could turn around. I definitely felt the anxiety when pregnant with Lils too but not quite as much as I did with Olivia, I think its because we had had so much sadness in our family the past...

So this may not be news to some of you who either read my old blog or watch my YouTube channel, but I am indeed pregnant with baby number 2. My little girl is going to be a big sister and I cannot be more excited for her.  As I write this post I am exactly 17 weeks pregnant, which seems impossible as it is flying by right now.  Me and Liam found out we were expecting on the 3rd of August 2019 when I was exactly 4 weeks gone. The tests were cheap ones and the lines were very faint so I ended up buying another brand of test which was a lot clearer.  I am so excited to become a Mum of two but I am so nervous to, both me and Liam are only children in a sense of it. Liam has no siblings at all but I have a half sister and half brother, they are both quite a lot older than me and I didn't grow up with them, they lived in Lincolnshire.  I was going to do weekly updates but feel as if I am repeating from my vlog so am going to keep the pregnancy up...