A pocket of my life

  Today we received an email confirming some settling in sessions for this little one and I really don't think I'm ready, in 2 weeks times she will be having 1 hour on the first day to try out and 2 hours on the second day.  The last 2 years have gone so fast and I will really miss her but I am hoping that it will help with her separation anxiety being a covid baby. I really hope that she will be ok without me near her but I think it will do both of us the world of good having some time to experience different things. Nursery is an exciting time though and I believe that it really will be amazing for her, to grow bonds with other, to communicate with people other than her parents and sister and do many things that we can't do at home.  I am emotional about it and I know there will be a few tears but I need to let her go and needs to learn to trust others other than me. We will get there but I think its gonna take longer than it did with Lils. 

Written at 4am, 4 days post partem  I have so many emotions going through my system right now but one of the main ones is guilt. Guilt for Lilly that she isn't getting as much attention as she was before, I knew it was going to be like this and so did she, we are always open with her and I will always be there is she needs me. The guilt that I feel for Liam is stronger though, having a second child was my decision and so far it hasn't been too bad. The issue is that Liam struggles with the screams with every bum change, and to be honest I don't blame him, she screams for dear life. The other is that he is currently sleeping in the front room because he couldn't sleep, I am not sure why but I think that it is because she is being noisy tonight, not crying but constant little noises. He has expressed that he is enjoying having a second but I just feel that he is going to resent me in the end for the decision and I am going to feel so guilty every time he feels...