A pocket of my life

So today is the wave of light for all the babies that have left us.  This is a very sensitive subject for us, my Mum lost two beautiful children, my sister, Joanne was just 3 days old and my brother, John was a stillborn. My story starts in the summer of 2011, I found out that I was expecting our first baby early in the July. Both me and Liam were made up with the idea of having a little boy or girl running around. We told my parents and Liams Mum that we were expecting and I also had an appointment with a midwife at around 5 weeks, it was all so exciting and it felt perfect until 5 weeks and 5 days hit. It was that day that I knew something had changed, I started to spot and my nausea that I had been experiencing had become non existent. I did the Google my symptoms thing and saw the word miscarriage, I was heartbroken but obviously nothing was confirmed at this point.  We phoned the EPU (Early Pregnancy unit) and they gave me an appointment for a scan and blood t...

With the summer holidays fast approaching I am trying to think of ways to keep the kids entertained that don't break the bank. Its so hard to find different things to do but I have managed to come up with some activities that are either free or cheap that I have put into an envelope for the kids to pull out, I wanted to share these ideas with you in hope that they will help you too. If any other items are required for the activity I have written in below or linked it.  Painting secret stones and hiding them  Baking some tasty treats Slime baff or gelli baff  from zimpli kids Film night with popcorn and sweets Beach day if you have one close LEGO afternoon Park and ice creams Go to the penny arcades (£5 each) Make a den. A penny hike (tales left and heads right) the penny chooses where you go. Sign up to the summer reading challenge (local library) Find free local activities/events Find a new play park Indoor scavenger hunt Geocaching  Create and ...

With Easter fast approaching I thought I would share what bits the girls have in there Easter basket this year. I have created one of these every year and is full of bits and bobs to keep the girls entertained over the 2 week holiday from school/nursery. This year I actually purchased a new basket for them to have as I really couldn't resist, it's a little bunny cloth basket which was from primark and cost £4. The crafty contents are either from Morrions or The works and the sweet treats included are from Aldi. Firstly we have so Easter paper chains, something a little different and new, these were just £1 from Morrisons and whilst there I noticed little hopping animals for £1.25 each, I picked up a bunny and a chick which the girls can share. From The Works I picked up some paint your own characters which come with paint and brushes, these were £1.50 each, I also picked up a snap game for £2 and an Easter card set for £2 as well, these will definitely keep the girls happy.  La...

I absolutely love writing these posts and love to capture the moments that make Olivia who she is. She really is growing her personality lately and I can't wait to see how much it grows when she starts school in September but for now these are the things that have been makes us giggle.  A Mickey car - This is what she calls a mini car, she got a little confused with Mickey mouse and Minnie mouse so now she calls every mini a Mickey car. My earballs - This one made us chuckle, if she sees a bright light she covers her eye and says 'my eyeballs' so when she heard a loud bang the other day she covered her ears and shouts 'my earballs' which made us laugh so this one has stuck.  A bath shower -This is a recent things that she has started, so if she has a shower she now puts the plug in and calls it a bath shower, she has ever started to ask for them too. Candy canes and cheese strings - Over Christmas she discovered that she liked cheese strings, but then started to get...

It's never too late to create a boo basket and they really don't have to break the bank, I have created this basket for under ten pounds and both my toddler and preteen have enjoyed it. I normally create something like this with things that can keep busy over the Halloween half term normally with a little sweet treat too. This year I have included a Halloween activity pack which I believe was from poundland, the scratch mask craft was from Coop who have some great things for Halloween and the last craft was glow in the dark sun catchers from the works. I have 2 glow in the dark pumpkin necklaces for when the girls fo trick or treating, and lastly we're some ghost lollies from Morrisons which have been devourered already.  I really enjoy making these for the girls and have done for many years but please don't ever feel like you have to create things like this, it's just something that makes me and the girls happy. Victoria 

So, you now 11, almost a teen but not quite. The first couple of weeks of being 11 have had there highs and lows, things seem to have been going at 100mph since and it's a lot to take in for both if us.  You have entered your last year of school and comes with that is looking at the next stage and actually applying for your secondary school, this seems so unreal that we are at this stage as it only feels like yesterday that you started primary. You became prefect and are helping the little ones and have also taken your mock SATS, so much for such a small amount of time.  You certainly have a strong attitude and sometimes we clash, it's part of growing up and learning how to deal with things but it's not easy. You certainly do have your good days and you do make me and your Dad so proud.  I still can't believe that my eldest is growing so fast and I will be forever grateful that we have gotten to watched you grow from a tiny 6lb 11oz baby to a beautiful, tale...

Lilly is 11 in just a couple of days time and I wanted to share what gifts we have brought for her. As you may well see its very stitch heavy, she is massively into stitch right now so it was easy to find so cool gifts. I really have struggled to fine things for her this year so its more little items than big ones and we do have a fun day planned out. Smiley slippers - These are something that she has had on her wish list for a while, I am excited for her to open these and enjoy them. Stitch Squishmallows  - This was a win win when I found this, she loves squishmallows and stitch so both of them together was perfect for her to have. Lego friends set - Lils has been into Lego friends for years and they have recently been updated so thought we would try out one of the new sets. Stitch pjs  - I saw these in Primark a while back and new that I had to get these for her, they are more of a grown up set which I feel she will really appreciate. Stitch make up brushes ...

 Since I talk about my mental health on here, I wanted to share a little about what has happened recently which I would love to get some advice on.  Lilly has been experiencing some small episodes of anxiety, mainly at bed time and it coincides with what I experience too, she has a fear that she will not wake up when she goes to bed, I believe that we all go through phases of this but its really hard to watch this within your child. Lilly is 10, almost 11 and she has experienced a lot of death in her life, including two of her grandparents and 2 pets, I believe that this may have a part in what she is feeling but I am not quite sure how I am meant to help. We are trying to let her sleep with tv on and to listen out for words to help take her mind off the actual falling asleep, it does seem to help but not 100% but I do hope that Lilly comes out the other side or at least learns some ways to cope with it in her own way. My main reason for this post was to hopefully some some ad...

I'm back with some more of the little things that make Olivia unique, things that make us smile and things that one day might not be apparent any more. 1. I love you back - this is very new and we're not quite sure where its come from but after saying love you she then says love you back and you have to say it back, she love it. 2. Calling Bees buzz - Olivia has a different names for bees, she calls them buzzes. I can see why and its very cute and I kind of hope that she doesn't grow out of it. 3. Following Daddy mowing - This is something that Olivia loves to do, she follows Daddy up and down the garden when he mows the grass and Nannies with her mini mower and copies every move.  4. Smoothie juice - every time she visits either Nanny or Granny and Grandads she knows that she normally has the mini smoothies in there fridge waiting for her and pretty much asks the moment she arrives. I love documenting these little things and I hope that you enjoy reading about ...

I wanted to start this style of post because remembering the little traits that our little ones sometimes do is important to me, Some of these things will only last when they are young and others they will go through life with. So here is the first of the toddler quirks that I want to document! 1. Olivia loves a kiss of the forehead - She taps her forehead before bed and smiles so cheeky, its such a simple little thing but it seems so important to her. 2. Her favourite dummy -  Olivia still uses a dummy for nap time and bed time and she seems to have picked a favourite, she always requests her ladybug dummy. 3. 'My first' - This is a new saying of hers, she always wants to try and beat either me and Lilly to a place or be the first to walk down the stairs whiles saying 'My first' over and over.  4. Picking up stones - This is a recent trait that she has started doing, she keeps picking up little stones and storing them in her pockets, we definitely have to check before ...

We have recently celebrated world book day and I wanted to share their costumes for 2023, this was the first year that Olivia has joined in and I was so excited for her. Olivia went to nursery dressed as The Gruffalo  by Julia Donaldson, she absolutely loves the book and the animated mini film too so it was a certain one when I saw the costume in Morrisons. She seemed to really enjoy dressing up and was so excited to go and to both her toddler group and nursery to show it off. Lilly was dressed as Lucy from The Creakers by Tom Fletcher, this was more of a pull it together costume with a little help from ebay for some tights and a pair of dungarees, the t-shirt and goggles we from what we had already. I loved how it turned out and the bonus is that the clothes can be worn again.  How did you celebrate World book day?  Victoria  

  Today we received an email confirming some settling in sessions for this little one and I really don't think I'm ready, in 2 weeks times she will be having 1 hour on the first day to try out and 2 hours on the second day.  The last 2 years have gone so fast and I will really miss her but I am hoping that it will help with her separation anxiety being a covid baby. I really hope that she will be ok without me near her but I think it will do both of us the world of good having some time to experience different things. Nursery is an exciting time though and I believe that it really will be amazing for her, to grow bonds with other, to communicate with people other than her parents and sister and do many things that we can't do at home.  I am emotional about it and I know there will be a few tears but I need to let her go and needs to learn to trust others other than me. We will get there but I think its gonna take longer than it did with Lils. 

  So it has been a big week for Olivia, we have transitioned her from a cot to a bed, we have changed out the high sleeper that Lilly had to a bunk bed set for both of the girls. We were planning on making the transition a little slower but Olivia has taken to the bed amazing. We received the bed on Tuesday of last week and put it straight up, but we didn't try Olivia out in the bed until the Thursday starting with nap time, I was only going to use this at nap time for a few days but that night she woke a few times in her cot and pointed to the bed. I ended up transferring her across and we haven't looked back. Ever since then we have just done her bedtime routine as normal but using the bed, she hasn't tried to get out of bed YET and settles so well. We are well expecting midnight adventures from her just like Lilly did. We do not have a bed guard and don't intend of getting one but we are using the cot mattress on the floor for those little slips out of bed.  The bed ...

 I have had this in my drafts for a while now as it still feels very raw to me, but I do want to document the journey we took to bring Olivia into the world and tell our story of having a retained placenta. It started about 7 am on the 15th of April when I woke up feeling very uncomfortable, not so much in pain but I just knew something was different. Me and Lils had breakfast together before I decided to run my self a bath and wake Liam to let him know. The bath was amazing and helped, i ended up spending almost two hours in there just topping it up with hot water, I had a t-shirt on so Lils could sit and keep my company too. The pains had started a bit and it felt like a strong period pain, I got dressed and tried to relax but ended up being sick, which seems to be a sign for me being in labour as had this with both Lils and Olivia. This is when I knew that it was imminent and decided to let my Dad know as they were watching Lilly for me. By 1 pm I decided to ring labour ward and...

To the no sleep Mummy's,   Last night was one of those nights where I was one of those Mums, a night with very little sleep. Olivia woke at 1.30am and was still awake and trying to play with teddies at 3am, we ended up in the front room on the sofa which isn't the comfiest.  Spending that time awake when your body wants sleep is hard, emotional and frustrating, every minute can feel like an hour and every noise sounds so heightened. I have been here many nights with Olivia, which is so different from how Lilly was. I have spent many nights sitting, holding her hand, cuddling her and rocking her and crying, or silently screaming and that is OK, it's hard and exhausting. It is OK to feel like this, being a Mum can be so hard physically and emotionally but you have to remember how amazing you are as a person, what you do for your child/children is incredible, they need you for so many reasons and love unconditionally.  Remember it doesn't last forever and that ...

Trigger warning - Baby loss  On the 3rd of August 2019, 2 years ago today, I found out that I was pregnant with Olivia and as much a love being pregnant and feeling excited for the future, there is always a heap of anxiety that follows me, especially during the first trimester. Back in July 2011 I suffered a miscarriage at just 6 weeks but I had started getting excited for this baby the moment my test came up positive. I started to bleed which got heavier by the day, we ended up going to the hospital for a scan and blood test, there was a sack but no visible baby. they drew my blood two days later for the HCG to which I got a phone call that night saying that it was not going to be a viable pregnancy. My world broke, I felt jealous of others, angry at my body and confusion of how fast you world could turn around. I definitely felt the anxiety when pregnant with Lils too but not quite as much as I did with Olivia, I think its because we had had so much sadness in our family the past...

My breastfeeding journey began before our little lady was even born, when I was just 34 weeks pregnant. My midwife told me about harvesting colostrum to give to our newborn and a have a store just in case. I was so intrigued as I so desperately wanted to breastfeed this time around. Harvesting Colostrum Leaving my appointment, syringes and instructions in hand, I was exited to try this out. Now this is an experience that both me and liam took on, purely because I could not see what I was doing.  It was tough going and frustrating at times, with spillages and not quite getting it right at first but we got there in the end. Starting off with a 1ml syringe, we filled that within 3 sittings and I felt quite happy, we tagged it with the date and I placed in the freezer.  As the weeks went on I was producing more and more of this 'liquid gold' until I was filling a 5ml syringe within two sittings. Now don't get me wrong, this can be time consuming but if it wasn't...

I am writing this, currently sitting on our bed rocking an almost 6 week old to sleep. Thisales up every one of my evenings lately and quite a lot of the day as she still whines a lot which puts strain on the family. I am starting to feel like a prisoner in my own room and feel like most of my days are spent looking at the same four walls, rewatching shows from years ago. I know lockdown isn't helping the way I feel and I know that a lot of Mum's are in the same situation as we are as a family. I am trying to put a brave face on for all three members of my family as I know this lockdown is affecting them too but sometimes I just want to scream about it and cry.  Don't get me wrong I am loving being a Mum of two, having more time with Lils than I ever imagined and getting to stay in a bubble with Olivia for a while but I think I am ready for a bit of normality to hit and for me to actually have places to go and people to see.

The past week or so has been a tough one for all of us. We have had tears and screams for out little Olivia to the point that she was inconsolable. We now believe that this is due to silent reflux, a condition that is sometimes misdiagnosed as colic. The tell tale signs for us were screaming after every feed, arching her back as in pain, hiccups daily, dribbling a lot of milk when feeding and red in the face a lot. There are the main symptoms that she has been suffering from.  After many pennies spent on colic remedies like infacol and gripe water, then for the doctor to say we needed to try a special anti reflux milk, none helped and if anything she was worse, the scream was like something out of a horror movie and was lasting for 20 minutes straight with no way to calm her down. I was a a loss and ended up ringing the doctors back, she has now prescribed her some Gavison infant to help, I hate the idea of pumping her with medication but so far it seems to be making he...

Written at 4am, 4 days post partem  I have so many emotions going through my system right now but one of the main ones is guilt. Guilt for Lilly that she isn't getting as much attention as she was before, I knew it was going to be like this and so did she, we are always open with her and I will always be there is she needs me. The guilt that I feel for Liam is stronger though, having a second child was my decision and so far it hasn't been too bad. The issue is that Liam struggles with the screams with every bum change, and to be honest I don't blame him, she screams for dear life. The other is that he is currently sleeping in the front room because he couldn't sleep, I am not sure why but I think that it is because she is being noisy tonight, not crying but constant little noises. He has expressed that he is enjoying having a second but I just feel that he is going to resent me in the end for the decision and I am going to feel so guilty every time he feels...