Anxiety in pregnancy after a miscarriage

Anxiety in pregnancy after a miscarriage | TRIGGER WARNING

Trigger warning

- Baby loss

On the 3rd of August 2019, 2 years ago today, I found out that I was pregnant with Olivia and as much a love being pregnant and feeling excited for the future, there is always a heap of anxiety that follows me, especially during the first trimester.

Back in July 2011 I suffered a miscarriage at just 6 weeks but I had started getting excited for this baby the moment my test came up positive. I started to bleed which got heavier by the day, we ended up going to the hospital for a scan and blood test, there was a sack but no visible baby. they drew my blood two days later for the HCG to which I got a phone call that night saying that it was not going to be a viable pregnancy. My world broke, I felt jealous of others, angry at my body and confusion of how fast you world could turn around.

I definitely felt the anxiety when pregnant with Lils too but not quite as much as I did with Olivia, I think its because we had had so much sadness in our family the past few years, that I wanted something that could put some light into the world.

During the first few weeks I had some really minor spotting ( I was checking every toilet trip ) but just before my birthday I had a large bleed. I phoned the doctors and expected the worst, when I arrived I felt sick with nerves but the doctor was hopeful as my cervix was still closed, she did book an early scan though to check and put my mind at ease.

on the 6th of September we made our way to the hospital, I felt like my world was going to end again even though we didn't know yet. The wait felt like a lifetime, I was constantly sipping on my water and shaking. We were eventually called in and our details were checked, the lady was the same lady who did the scan with the first pregnancy so nerves were high.

She eventually got around to scanning and there she was, our little peanut with a strong heartbeat, the relief was incredible, I felt like a weight had been lifted. She also informed us that there was only one baby which hadn't even crossed Liam's mind. A few days later the anxiety was creeping again, there was no bleeding but it was still 3 weeks until my 12 week scan, the one that make you feel a little more comfortable, the one that means you are coming to the end of the first trimester, the one where most people decided to tell the news of a pending arrival.

I felt a little anxiety until the day I gave birth, the wanting for a happy ending, and good story for once3, an ending where I get to squish my little one and take her home. I know that we are so lucky to have two beautiful healthy girls and I feel for every person who has lost or has trouble conceiving, my heart goes out to you and I wish you the best for the future.

Macaroni Cheese | Recipe and Method

I do love a pasta dish and macaroni cheese is such a comfort food for me, its so easy and simple to make, perfect for a busy evening taking only 15-20 minutes to make. Its one that the whole family can get involved in making and Lils quite often take the whisk off me and takes over! The recipe below will serve four people but we always alter depending on who is having it in our household. Ingredients: - 450g Pasta - 1 litre of milk - 100g flour or corn flour - 100g marge - 280g cheese - 1 tea spoon English mustard - salt and pepper for seasoning How to: 1. Cook you pasta as described on the packet then drain 2. Melt the marge then slowly mix in all the flour 3. slowly pour in the milk and mix well until smooth, it will thicken up 4. Add you mustard and mix 5. Mix in your cheese until melted together 6. Add salt and pepper to flavour 7. mix in your pasta with your sauce and serve with garlic bread It really is such a simple yet tasty meal for all the family, both my girls lo

My mental health

I don't really know why I am writing this but it may help me or someone else in the future, today I am low, very low, I feel very stuck in a rubbish situation and don't see it ever getting better. At the moment money is tight, very tight and it really is getting me down, I feel like I am letting everyone down. I want to be the best person I can be and the best Mum possible to my girls, I want to be able to provide a good life for them and don't want them to even know that we are ever struggling. I suffer from anxiety but this doesn't feel anything like that, this feels like a have got a weight in my heart, one that feels painful too, its like a constant sinking feeling that drains me too. I am tired and emotional and just had enough and I really don't know what to do or how to even take the next step. I really hope that one day soon we don't have to worry so much, that we can live a little more comfortable and that life gives us some luck as the pas

Cottage pie recipe

I have recently started making my own Cottage pie with a recipe that I have tweeted to work four our fussy family. I find that a cottage pie is such an Autumn/Winter staple as it feeling like such a warm, hearty meal, one that is a proper comfort meal. I recently started making the meal and found that I didn't have a packet mix in so decided to find a recipe to try out, the first one I found sounded good but I changed it slightly to fit our family, Lils isn't keen on fresh onion ad none of us like celery. I thought I would share our recipe with you which can easily be adapted if need be. Recipe 500g Beef Mince 1 carton of tomato passata 1 tbs tomato paste 1 beef stock cube 1 beef stock pot 1 tsp onion salt 1 tsp garlic granules 1 tsp mixed herbs 2 medium carrots sliced and part cooked Salt and pepper 3 large potatoes for mash 75g cheese Method 1. Preheat you oven to gas mark 4/180oC 2. Brown off the mince and drain off excess oil from the pan. 3. Pour in the passa

A pocket of my life

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